Yesterday was a day full of errands. I needed to buy groceries, go to the bank, return some socks I had purchased a few months ago, and peruse the craft store to get fabric for some baby burp cloths I want to make for my pregnant friends. Before leaving my house, I had psyched myself up to the fact that many people had taken this week off, so there were be a lot of folks out there. But may I please just make a request to people who I don’t know?
BACK OFF! Please don’t stand so close to me. I don’t know you, and you seem to be within inches of me. Why? Why must you stand so close, Mr. I’m Buying Beer for My New Year’s Eve Party? And Ms. I Need to Return All of These Items at Kohl’s, standing so close to me that every time I shift my weight I hit you will not make the returns line move any faster. Little Miss I Want That Toy – shouldn’t you be standing next to your own mommy and not bumping into my legs? If I wanted that, I would have just gone to work where I get pecked by a bunch of little baby chicks all day.
I realize that my “5 feet of personal-space rule” is not a standard of public decorum. Perhaps it should be. I’m not saying we all can’t be kind and greet each other with a nice smile. But let’s try to do so without encroaching on my space. And for all of my “touchy-feely” friends, I’m happy for you. Really, I am. I just didn’t grow up that way and no matter how much you’d like for me to show my expression of friendship with a hearty hug, it just ain’t gonna happen. If you do get a hug from me – one of three things has occurred:
1. You are in my “circle of trust.” Yes, it’s a 5 feet circle, but just be happy you made it in. Don’t do any funny business while you’re there, or you’ll be out faster than Dakota runs out his dog-door to play with his toys. (If you haven't met Dakota, that boy has a lot of energy.)
2. I am trying to “speak your language” and by hugging you, I’m trying to say “I love you” in your crazy hands-on, creep-me-out kind of way. I understand my hugging ability is not at the level that you are used to as evidenced by my constant fast slapping on your back as a silent signal to you that the hug should be over and you should let go as soon as possible.
3. I’ve lost my mind. It happens.
I’m really good at giving high fives and even better - fist pounds! And just because I don’t hug you doesn’t mean I don’t care about you any less. It’s just a language I don’t speak very well. And no, please don’t offer to give me lessons. If you do, you’ll get added to my list of “Friends Who Are Excessively Huggy.”
So from MySpace I am sending you love and kindness.
BACK OFF! Please don’t stand so close to me. I don’t know you, and you seem to be within inches of me. Why? Why must you stand so close, Mr. I’m Buying Beer for My New Year’s Eve Party? And Ms. I Need to Return All of These Items at Kohl’s, standing so close to me that every time I shift my weight I hit you will not make the returns line move any faster. Little Miss I Want That Toy – shouldn’t you be standing next to your own mommy and not bumping into my legs? If I wanted that, I would have just gone to work where I get pecked by a bunch of little baby chicks all day.
I realize that my “5 feet of personal-space rule” is not a standard of public decorum. Perhaps it should be. I’m not saying we all can’t be kind and greet each other with a nice smile. But let’s try to do so without encroaching on my space. And for all of my “touchy-feely” friends, I’m happy for you. Really, I am. I just didn’t grow up that way and no matter how much you’d like for me to show my expression of friendship with a hearty hug, it just ain’t gonna happen. If you do get a hug from me – one of three things has occurred:
1. You are in my “circle of trust.” Yes, it’s a 5 feet circle, but just be happy you made it in. Don’t do any funny business while you’re there, or you’ll be out faster than Dakota runs out his dog-door to play with his toys. (If you haven't met Dakota, that boy has a lot of energy.)
2. I am trying to “speak your language” and by hugging you, I’m trying to say “I love you” in your crazy hands-on, creep-me-out kind of way. I understand my hugging ability is not at the level that you are used to as evidenced by my constant fast slapping on your back as a silent signal to you that the hug should be over and you should let go as soon as possible.
3. I’ve lost my mind. It happens.
I’m really good at giving high fives and even better - fist pounds! And just because I don’t hug you doesn’t mean I don’t care about you any less. It’s just a language I don’t speak very well. And no, please don’t offer to give me lessons. If you do, you’ll get added to my list of “Friends Who Are Excessively Huggy.”
So from MySpace I am sending you love and kindness.
Amen, sister, for the creepy stand-too-close people in public places. Even though I am a hugger at times, I only let those that I actually like come that close to me, so I'm with ya, babe! High Five and Fist Bump back at 'cha.
ReplyDeleteSorry I just now read this. Oh, I'm dying laughin' here.
ReplyDeleteRick